Ashley Jael: January 2011

Like most people at the end of a year, I like to sit back and reflect on the year I had. I love to recollect all the laughter, recount all the joy, and see how God was at work in my life throughout the whole process. (Unfortunately I'm writing this a few days later than expected.)

In January/February I felt like I had cried more than I had in a lifetime (albeit a short lifetime). It was an unhealthy amount and it left me miserable, terribly depressed, and my heart felt pain I had never imagined possible. But, it also showed me the meaning of true love. As much as I felt like I had this inexpressible agony deep in my chest, I was reminded constantly of the endless love of my family, the unwavering love of my Savior and how I can radiate that pure love to the lives of those around me.

March brought me back to Texas to visit a girl friend I hadn't seen since I had moved away three years prior. We had a photo shoot in downtown San Antonio, stayed up late chatting and giggling like Jr. Highers who have stayed up way past their bedtime, and got lost driving around just like old times. I attended a women's retreat with her while I was in town and God began to show me just a glimpse of how "He makes everything beautiful in its time." (Ecc. 3:11)

I celebrated my mom's birthday at Disneyland in April and quickly learned how to change a tire when it decided to pop on the side of the freeway.

In May, I took a step backwards and reevaluated my life. I wasn't happy with where I had been and dared to make a change for the better. It marked the beginning of my six month long commitment to "No boys, just Jesus" and God began to pinpoint those tender areas where I needed to grow, if I was all but willing to surrender them to Him.
June - August led me to Summer camp, away from my family and friends and the circumstances that became too heavy to bare, where I would spend my Summer living in the mountains with people I had never met before.

Every day I was in awe of God and His creation all around me. Whether it be the mountains and forests that were my backyard or the beauty of His stars that graced the heavens every night.

God opened my eyes to so much that Summer. He gave me insight on areas that needed improvement in my life. He grew my faith, confidence, and trust in Him and He continued to show me just how vast His love is for me. It was a scary, amazing, and incredibly tiring experience that came at a time when I needed it the most.

September met me back at home with a passion and fire that had been ignited during the Summer. I was excited to serve more at my church and see where God would direct me this coming year. Desperately I was wanting to submerge my hands and feet into whatever area I was to get involved with. An opportunity opened up to be apart of both the Jr. and Sr. High school ministry and my heart was more than happy to jump on board.

It also brought the arrival of my eigth niece (so far), Paulina Grace.

October was filled with explorations of local botanical gardens and orchards as well as the celebration of my Father's birthday. I've always known what a blessed lady I am to have a Father like him, but this year it really hit home. I am terribly blessed to have a Father that is a man after God's own heart, who lives a life that is truly an example of Christ here on Earth. Gives me hope in my time of waiting...

In November I hit my sixth month mark of the fore mentioned commitment. Through the process I've learned how to fall more deeply in love with God, have confidence in the woman He has created me to be, and that I don't need a man to complete me. He is all and will be all I will ever need.

December came and went far too fast. Amongst the birthdays, Christmas parties, and hustle and bustle of life I managed to not loose my mind (although I came rather close) and simply just enjoyed life to its fullest. I laughed so hard I cried, I embraced, I shared, I grew, I taught, I was challanged, I loved with all my heart, and I spent it with the people I care about the most.