Heart Construction

Lately God had been showing me a lot. I feel like I am in this constant process of being stretched, molded, and formed. It's a continues cycle of growth and I love it, but some things aren't always fun to learn. Like, say for instance, realizing how you may have painted someone in a bad light due to your heart that is still in the process of healing. That's hard to face. It's even harder when you feel God telling you to pick up that phone and say I'm sorry. What?! (You can bet I definitely fought Him over that one...literally.) Yes, I can give myself the excuse that I have every right to feel the way I do, but that doesn't make it right. It doesn't justify my behavior regardless if it was intentional or not.

My God constantly puts up with all my garbage and doesn't turn around and have anger towards me for all I've done, all I do, and all I will continue to do. He's a God who continues to love and cherishes me no matter what. I need to strive to do the same with those He has placed in my life. I want to love with all my heart. I want to forgive and keep on forgiving. I want His light to shine ever so brightly in my life and penetrate the lives of those around me. I don't want people to look at me and see Ashley, the girl who's been hurt so much that she has the right to hold grudges, be frustrated, and talk negatively about another one of God's children. I want them to see my Savior, to taste His goodness, to feel His love.

This construction going on in my heart can be quite painful at times, but knowing how amazing and beautiful the end result is going to be, well...I know it will be worth it.

With Love,
Aj

The Greatest Story

I love it when God randomly reminds me of lyrics to a specific song at the moment I need to hear it the most. In this instance, a song from a group I used to listen so much as a teenager that I am sure I wore through their cds (and at one point cassette tapes!). I am thankful for this gentle reminder of how our lives can be used in ways far greater than we can imagine and how our worth isn't found in how the world views us but our worth is found in Jesus Christ.

The Greatest Story
by Avalon

Some days your own resolve is strong
And other days you bend
it's two steps forward, one step back
and a stumble now and then
You wonder if you'll ever really make the difference
you've prayed that you will
Well, I know that prayer will be fulfilled 'cause

Your life woven day by day
is a new design of the glory God displays
on the canvas of creation
Through the poem of history
in the pattern of redemption
running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ can be
the greatest story ever told

You cannot see the hands of God
or feel the grace that flows
from Him through you to those you touch
In ways you'll never know
you cannot measure worth by human standards
That's always a lie
oh, you have to see through heaven's eyes how...

In the light of eternity
Standing face to face you will finally see
for the very first time you'll understand
your perfect place in the Master's plan and how...


ashley jael

What If?

What if I didn't care what anyone thought about me?

What if I had enough confidence in Christ to do whatever He asked of me?

What if I stopped worrying and started trusting?

What if I had the faith to step off of the ledge and dive head first into the unknown?

What if I tuned out the sweet lies of the enemy and only listened to the truthful words of my Savior?

What if God has a plan for me much bigger than I could ever imagine?

With love,

Aj

Transition

Autumn is my favorite season. I'm in love with the array of colors on the trees, how their leaves have a warmth to them as they begin to change only to later collect on the ground and be tossed around by the wind. The air is cooler, making a good excuse to wear boots and tights, hats and scarves. The change is inevitable and much welcomed in my heart.

As I sit here and relish at the new season and what it has to bring, I'm much reminded of my own season of life and the changes and newness that it brings. Much how the dead leaves fall to the ground leaving only a skeleton of a tree behind, so it is with my own life. I feel as though every time God pinpoints an area that I need to work on, or something I need to just let go of altogether, another leaf falls. One by one they slowly begin to descend, the insecurities, the worry, the fear...everything begins to collect at God's feet and I'm left standing there bare like the fore mentioned naked tree. But I'm reminded that this is not the end, it's only the beginning. Transition happens, it's all apart of growth. But we aren't simply stripped of everything and left like that. The falling leaves in Autumn give way to the budding leaves in Spring. So it goes for us. Our "falling leaves" give way to a beautiful blossoming tree over time. It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen. Day by day we are being transformed, renewed, a change is taking place deep in our hearts. Moment by moment we are growing and being stretched into that woman (or man) of God that He has created us to be. Before we know it we are blooming and it's a beautiful sight to see.

With love,

Aj

Self Discovery of sorts

Lately I have been taking a good look at my life. I think with all the changes and growth that has been taking place in my life over these past three months, it has really made me stop and not only see how far God has brought me, but also look at my life and gain confidence in the woman He has created me to be. It's the little self discovers of finding out why I am the way that I am and loving the person I am growing into. No matter how quirky or insecure I may be...God loves me for me. Such a little concept, yet one that has so much depth in my life anymore. The following is a random list of some of my self discoveries I've pondered as of late.

I have a fear of failure and my insecurities have held me back from so much in life. I'm determined to change that.

I'm not one to express myself verbally as much as I would like to. It's an area that I have grown in by leaps and bounds over the years, yet I'm still a work in progress.

I've wasted too much of my life wrapped up in stress and worry. By the grace of God I'm finally learning how to let it go and give Him control.

Many times I have talked to God about my annoyance with my "emotional" side. But I've come to realize that He has blessed me with a soft heart, one with compassion that hurts when others hurt. One that literally feels what others are going through and God has been able to turn it into something beautiful. I wouldn't change that for anything.

I used to (not so much anymore) be concerend with what God was doing in other people's lives and what He wasn't doing in mine. I've realized that He does a different work in each and every one of us and if I am so consumed with what is happening in the lives of those around me then I just might miss out on the blessings He is doing in my life.

What about you? What have you discovered lately?

ashley jael

Remember when we worked at Summer camp?

My Summer came and went. It was much to fast for my liking, but I gained so much out of it that I can't complain. For ten weeks I had the opportunity to work up in the beautiful mountains with 5th and 6th graders. As terrified as I was in the beginning, wondering why I was there in the first place, God began to prove to me over time His reasons for having me there. Going into it, I was longing to escape my reality and just be consumed with my Lord. Quickly I began to realize that no matter the distance, I wasn't going to run from my problems. And no Love was going to stand there and allow me to believe the lies and I had listened to for far too long. So there I was, out of my comfort zone, in a new environment, desperately trying to hold on. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Day one I was already falling apart. Week two and I couldn't hold back the tears. Day after day and night after night I came face to face with my insecurities, my weaknesses, those things in my life that I was trying so hard to run from. But the more I cried out, the more He provided His comfort. The more I was honest with how I felt, the more He showed me how He felt. Little did I know that He was restoring and healing this fragile heart of mine, allowing it to bud and bloom once again. He has shown me so much of His greatness this Summer. Pouring out His love so abundantly I can't help but smile at His glory! What I thought my Summer would look like became so much more than I could have ever imagined. It has has grown me and established a firmer foundation in Christ. I have learned to have faith, to trust, to have a love so much deeper than before. I have realized that I truly can do anything with the strength of Christ. He's the only one who gave me the endurance to make it through every day. He's the only one who held my hand and walked me through the darkness. Only HE saw my broken heart and knew just what it would take to make me feel whole again. My God is so beautiful and good to me! I hate that I ever doubt Him and all that He is capable of doing. He has blessed me beyond measure, filling my cup overflowing with His love and grace. How can I not praise Him? How can I not sing of all He's done? My Summer at FOHO may be over, but the things God has showed me will stay in my heart forever. I can't wait to see where He takes me next.

A.M. One Oh!

Remember When...

Otter Pops
Cougar life!
Dance Parties
Slurpees
FroYo
Long and Skinny
Ultimate Frisbee
Lakeview Prayer Chapel
Orientation Week
Cabin 96
Lake Days
"Mighty Mouse"
That dreaded AM hill
Justin Bieber's "baby"
Monday night gatherings
Sunflower butter sandwiches
Worshiping under a canopy of stars
"Yeah you did!"
Tuesday morning picture days
Inspector Gadget dance
Yodeling
Fwee Twogs
5am Lost mine hike
Code 9's
Grandma jokes
Thursday night affirmations
Staff banquet


ashley jael

Trust