Heart Construction

Lately God had been showing me a lot. I feel like I am in this constant process of being stretched, molded, and formed. It's a continues cycle of growth and I love it, but some things aren't always fun to learn. Like, say for instance, realizing how you may have painted someone in a bad light due to your heart that is still in the process of healing. That's hard to face. It's even harder when you feel God telling you to pick up that phone and say I'm sorry. What?! (You can bet I definitely fought Him over that one...literally.) Yes, I can give myself the excuse that I have every right to feel the way I do, but that doesn't make it right. It doesn't justify my behavior regardless if it was intentional or not.

My God constantly puts up with all my garbage and doesn't turn around and have anger towards me for all I've done, all I do, and all I will continue to do. He's a God who continues to love and cherishes me no matter what. I need to strive to do the same with those He has placed in my life. I want to love with all my heart. I want to forgive and keep on forgiving. I want His light to shine ever so brightly in my life and penetrate the lives of those around me. I don't want people to look at me and see Ashley, the girl who's been hurt so much that she has the right to hold grudges, be frustrated, and talk negatively about another one of God's children. I want them to see my Savior, to taste His goodness, to feel His love.

This construction going on in my heart can be quite painful at times, but knowing how amazing and beautiful the end result is going to be, well...I know it will be worth it.

With Love,
Aj

Transition

Autumn is my favorite season. I'm in love with the array of colors on the trees, how their leaves have a warmth to them as they begin to change only to later collect on the ground and be tossed around by the wind. The air is cooler, making a good excuse to wear boots and tights, hats and scarves. The change is inevitable and much welcomed in my heart.

As I sit here and relish at the new season and what it has to bring, I'm much reminded of my own season of life and the changes and newness that it brings. Much how the dead leaves fall to the ground leaving only a skeleton of a tree behind, so it is with my own life. I feel as though every time God pinpoints an area that I need to work on, or something I need to just let go of altogether, another leaf falls. One by one they slowly begin to descend, the insecurities, the worry, the fear...everything begins to collect at God's feet and I'm left standing there bare like the fore mentioned naked tree. But I'm reminded that this is not the end, it's only the beginning. Transition happens, it's all apart of growth. But we aren't simply stripped of everything and left like that. The falling leaves in Autumn give way to the budding leaves in Spring. So it goes for us. Our "falling leaves" give way to a beautiful blossoming tree over time. It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen. Day by day we are being transformed, renewed, a change is taking place deep in our hearts. Moment by moment we are growing and being stretched into that woman (or man) of God that He has created us to be. Before we know it we are blooming and it's a beautiful sight to see.

With love,

Aj